I used to want to be a magician. I was good.

I can turn water into pee. I can turn bills into final notices. I can make women disappear.

Problem was that I was fat. And nobody believes a fat magician.

"yeah, if you know magic, then why don't you make that stomach disappear! ... Eh?"

I guess I could "fat" magic tricks.

"A cheeseburger!"

I hold up a cheeseburger. Then I eat it.

"Gone! Tah -dah!....

And now for my final trick. I will turn that cheeseburger into poop!...Can you guys come back tomorrow? Around 9 a.m.?"