I went to Fairbanks, Alaska for a week to play some rooms. I had always wanted to go to Alaska. until i go off the plane. Then I was like "Fuck you people for living here."

It was freezing. My penis fell off. Outiside the aiport. Just fell out of my pant leg. I picked it up. "I'll need this."

It felt like a joke. Like the town just enjoys bringing comics to them to watch them die of hypothermia.
One of my shows was on a glacier. Talking to bears. Then one was me putting my head into a freezer and telling some jokes to some frozen peas.

I heard Alaska has some of the best weed in America. But nobody seemed to have any.

My friend Debbie who works at the radio station asked me if I wanted to go dog sledding. I said "I never thought about that before. Okay. I'll go dog sledding. I did it once as a kid with a volleyball net and my neighbor's dog."

So I went dog sledding. Ran my own dog sled. No dogs. Just me. Running and pulling an empty sled. Not true. I mushed a dog team all by myself. It was wild. The guy gave me all the fucked up dogs though. He showed me a dog. "This is Alice. She's blind and retarded. She's on your team."

It was phenominal. We were on a frozen river. The dogs were all yelling and howling like mad. Jumping straight in the air. Then they were allowed to run. And they were dead silent. The dogs enjoyed running so bad. They were bred for it. I laughed solidly for about fifteen minutes as they pulled me. Then they made a left turn for no reason and I fell on my face. I think that left was planned. Sleds arent really made for sudden lefts. But it made me happy to hear how two other comics, Ian Bagg and Criag Robinson, both fell as well. Good. I hope more fall after me.

Anchorage was stunning from the sky at night. And Fairbanks was full of the nicest people that you could ever find. And I only met three vampires. So that movie was bullshit. Also, I asked the college kids if they liked the movie "Insomnia." They said it was nothing like the town. And I said "Well, it wasn't about the town. It was about a murderer and pedaphile." They had nothing to say about that. So I guess the movie got that part right.