Did your cell phone ever decide to call someone? I don't mean that you picked up the phone, dialed a number and called someone. I mean, your cell phone just said "I'm gonna call somebody!" And did.

Then later you look at your phone and see, "shit. I just left a forty five minute message on my friend's answering machine. I hope I didn't do anything embarressing."

Then your friend calls back. "So...watching Asian porn, huh?"

"No. No. I had food delivered and she was out of breath from all the stairs."

The best is when it happens to you. When somebody's cell phone gives you a little call by accident and now you have a little window into their lives. How long do you listen? My record is three hours. I listen all day. I pull up a chair and a bag of popcorn and just wait till I hear my name.

"Brian Scolaro is such a douchebag."

Nex time you see them, you just run up and yell- "YOU'RE THE DOUCHE BAG!!!!"