ATOMIC WEDGIE TV and VOODOOWOP PICTURES 'HITMAN' SERIES
written by Brian Scolaro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mVxXp5XQjY&feature=channel_page

EXT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE BACKDROP - DAY
Brett stares at water.

BRETT (V.O.)
Hello. My name is Brett. And I am a hitman.

INT. DARK ROOM - DAY
Brett is sharpening a knife.

BRETT (V.O.)
I have killed many people. In many ways. Ive used knives.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening an axe or sword.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used swords.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening a gun.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used guns.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening the back of his hand, but blood is coming off it.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive even used my hands.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening a cucumber. But pieces are coming off.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive also used cucumbers.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening carrots.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used carrots.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening tomatoes.

BRETT (V.O.)
And on one occasion, fresh tomatoes.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is eating the salad he just made. (It could be in a pile on the table.)

BRETT (V.O.)
Yes, I can kill people lots of different ways.

EXT. STREET - DAY
MAN gets out of car and Brett runs up and grabs his head, blows into his mouth real hard one long time.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive blown really hard into their mouths.

The man dies, Brett runs off.

EXT. CORNER - DAY
A MAN is about to sneeze.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive gotten them at their most vulnerable.

Brett runs up.

BRETT (CONT’D)
(Screams)
Happy Birthday!

The man grabs his heart and dies fast. Brett runs off.

EXT. PARK - DAY
A GUY stands in park. Brett walks up with long metal rod.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used God.

BRETT (CONT’D)
Catch.

Brett tosses rod to Guy. Guy catches it. It gets struck by lightning. Guy dies.

INT. DARK ROOM - DAY
Brett dials his cell phone.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used the phone.

EXT. PAYPHONE - DAY
DUDE walks by and hears phone ringing. He answers it.

DUDE
Hello.

A steam ship lands on his head.

EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY
TWO MEN sit on either side of Brett, reading newspapers, eating lunch.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive even gotten other people to do the killing for me.

Suddenly Brett yells-

BRETT (CONT’D)
What do you mean this guys wife is a whore!?!

The two men look at each other pissed.

BRETT (CONT’D)
Here you go.

He hands them both guns. They get up and start shooting each other and die. Brett opens a banana and eats.

EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
MAN 4 waits for a bus. Brett stands next to him.

BRETT (V.O.)
But the weirdest has to be the time i was hired to get a guy to kill himself.

BRETT (CONT’D)
What time do you have?

EXT. STREET - LATER
Brett walks with same man.

BRETT
What do you think of my hair?

EXT. CAFE - LATER
Same man is eating an ice cream cone and Brett stands with him.

BRETT
Do you think I should get a head transplant?

INT. MAN’S BEDROOM - LATER
Same man is in bed. Brett sits on edge of it.

BRETT
Why do boys have penis’s and girls don’t?

INT. MAN’S KITCHEN - DAY
Same man is cooking breakfast and Brett stands behind him.

BRETT
How big is your penis?

INT. MAN’S LIVING ROOM - LATER
Brett sits with same man on his couch.

BRETT
What kind of wine goes with penis?

The man pulls out a gun and shoots himself off screen.