"AIRPLANE" BY VOODOOWOP PICTURES. Written By Brian Scolaro and Brett Bisogno.

SEE THE FINISHED PROJECT HERE featuring Ben Bailey

EXT. AIRPORT - DAY
An airplane flies over head.

INT. AIRPORT COUNTER - LATER

MAN walks up to counter. Sign says “JEFF’S AIRLINES”.

MAN
Hi. Yes. I am on the one fifteen to Hawaii.

CLERK
Okay. Twenty dollars.

MAN
You don’t need my I.D.?

CLERK
No. Just the twenty.

He pays Clerk.

MAN
Great prices.

Clerk puts on pilot cap.

CLERK
Ready?

MAN
You’re the pilot.

CLERK
Yup. And security. That’s how we keep fares so low.
(Points)
Look! A gorilla fucking a mastodon.

MAN
What?

Man turns. Clerk hits him with black jack and knocks him out. Clerk takes off shirt. Puts on grass skirt, lea and coconut bra. Wakes up man.

CLERK
Welcome to Hawaii.

He hands him pineapple.

MAN
What?

CLERK
You slept the whole trip.

MAN
Wow. Which way to Maui?

CLERK
I don't know.

He hands him suitcase and pushes him out the door. MAN 2 enters with suitcase.

MAN 2
Hi. I’m going to Jamaica.

He hands him money.

CLERK
A bat fucking a horse!

Man 2 turns.

MAN 2
A bat?

Clerk knocks him out and puts on rasta wig.

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
Man walks outside to see Empire State Building.

MAN
Wow. They got one of these too.

The empire states building erupts like a volcano. Man runs away.

INT. AIRPORT COUNTER - LATER
MAN 3 enters and talks to a NEW CLERK.

MAN 3
Are you the same clerk as the other skit?

NEW CLERK
No. Where you flying today?

MAN 3
Boston.

NEW CLERK
Gate seven

Hands him tickets.

EXT. RUNWAY - LATER
Man 3 stands with bags. Car pulls up. Car has 2 by 4 on hood like wings. DRIVER gets out and grabs his bag and tosses it in trunk. He looks at Man’s ticket.

DRIVER
2B. Right here.

He opens back door and man 3 gets in.

INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS
Driver gets in. STEWARDESS is in front seat. Man 3 is confused.

MAN 3
Are you taking me to the airplane?

DRIVER
This is the airplane.

MAN 3
What?

He talks into a loudspeaker.

DRIVER
Good evening, ladies and gentleman. This is your captain speaking. This is flight 577 to Boston. Our flight time is seven hours and five minutes.

MAN 3
To Boston. It should be an hour and a half or something.

DRIVER
We are currently flying an altitude of two feet. If you look out the left window you will see trees.

He hangs up.

STEWARDESS
Seat belts are used by inserting the metal flap into this thing. The exits are here and here. Today’s movie will be Jurassic Park Three.
(Voice)
He left us. He left us. Rooar Roooar.

MAN 3
This isn’t an airplane. It’s a car.

DRIVER
Sorry. I cant hear you over the roar of the jet engines.

He puts on a tape of engine sounds.

MAN 3
I could’ve driven there. Let me out!

STEWADESS
Sir, please. The captain has turned on the no seat belt sign.

Driver farts. They all look at him.

DRIVER
(into speaker)
Looks like we hit an air pocket. We’re gonna have some turbulence for a while. I had Taco bell for lunch.

Man 3 rolls down window and is sucked out by the pressure. Papers fly everywhere int he car as they scream. Stewardess rolls window up.

STEWARDESS
We lost him.

A TERRORIST jumps in. Holds gun.

TERRORIST
Take me to Cuba!

DRIVER
You got it!

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
The car takes off like a plane.

ATOMIC WEDGIE TV and VOODOOWOP PICTURES 'HITMAN' SERIES
written by Brian Scolaro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mVxXp5XQjY&feature=channel_page

EXT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE BACKDROP - DAY
Brett stares at water.

BRETT (V.O.)
Hello. My name is Brett. And I am a hitman.

INT. DARK ROOM - DAY
Brett is sharpening a knife.

BRETT (V.O.)
I have killed many people. In many ways. Ive used knives.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening an axe or sword.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used swords.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening a gun.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used guns.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening the back of his hand, but blood is coming off it.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive even used my hands.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening a cucumber. But pieces are coming off.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive also used cucumbers.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening carrots.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used carrots.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is sharpening tomatoes.

BRETT (V.O.)
And on one occasion, fresh tomatoes.

INT. DARK ROOM - LATER
Brett is eating the salad he just made. (It could be in a pile on the table.)

BRETT (V.O.)
Yes, I can kill people lots of different ways.

EXT. STREET - DAY
MAN gets out of car and Brett runs up and grabs his head, blows into his mouth real hard one long time.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive blown really hard into their mouths.

The man dies, Brett runs off.

EXT. CORNER - DAY
A MAN is about to sneeze.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive gotten them at their most vulnerable.

Brett runs up.

BRETT (CONT’D)
(Screams)
Happy Birthday!

The man grabs his heart and dies fast. Brett runs off.

EXT. PARK - DAY
A GUY stands in park. Brett walks up with long metal rod.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used God.

BRETT (CONT’D)
Catch.

Brett tosses rod to Guy. Guy catches it. It gets struck by lightning. Guy dies.

INT. DARK ROOM - DAY
Brett dials his cell phone.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive used the phone.

EXT. PAYPHONE - DAY
DUDE walks by and hears phone ringing. He answers it.

DUDE
Hello.

A steam ship lands on his head.

EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY
TWO MEN sit on either side of Brett, reading newspapers, eating lunch.

BRETT (V.O.)
Ive even gotten other people to do the killing for me.

Suddenly Brett yells-

BRETT (CONT’D)
What do you mean this guys wife is a whore!?!

The two men look at each other pissed.

BRETT (CONT’D)
Here you go.

He hands them both guns. They get up and start shooting each other and die. Brett opens a banana and eats.

EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
MAN 4 waits for a bus. Brett stands next to him.

BRETT (V.O.)
But the weirdest has to be the time i was hired to get a guy to kill himself.

BRETT (CONT’D)
What time do you have?

EXT. STREET - LATER
Brett walks with same man.

BRETT
What do you think of my hair?

EXT. CAFE - LATER
Same man is eating an ice cream cone and Brett stands with him.

BRETT
Do you think I should get a head transplant?

INT. MAN’S BEDROOM - LATER
Same man is in bed. Brett sits on edge of it.

BRETT
Why do boys have penis’s and girls don’t?

INT. MAN’S KITCHEN - DAY
Same man is cooking breakfast and Brett stands behind him.

BRETT
How big is your penis?

INT. MAN’S LIVING ROOM - LATER
Brett sits with same man on his couch.

BRETT
What kind of wine goes with penis?

The man pulls out a gun and shoots himself off screen.